So, I have to be comfortable with myself and I have to create an environment where I’m comfortable because I can’t rely on everybody else in this world to make sure that I’m comfortable. You get so used to being uncomfortable, especially as a Black woman. You swallow it and don’t say anything about it. You almost forget that you fucking have a voice. I forget a lot of times. But what I learned is that sometimes just opening your mouth about certain things about how you feel is a superpower, it literally can move mountains.
ALLURE: What advice do you give to young girls who are going through the same thing and might not have a support network?
M: The people who are the most comfortable with themselves and at a peace in their minds are the ones who are confident and stand firm on what they believe in. Spend a lot of time with yourself, figuring out what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re comfortable with, what you’re not comfortable with, and what your boundaries are. Identify those things, give them a name, and then implement those boundaries.
Then from there, you figure out your morals, values, ethics, what is important to you as an individual. There’s a lot of power in being able to stand on your own. The people who stand on their own are so fucking admirable to me.
I always second-guess myself. A lot of my anxiety and a lot of my depression comes from compromising with people and putting myself in uncomfortable positions or putting myself last, second to everybody else’s opinions. If [I’d stopped second-guessing myself sooner,] I would have felt a lot more confident in who I am. Confidence conquers anxiety.
ALLURE: That is so true and beautifully said. During those low moments, what is your self-care routine?
M: I have a different routine for anxiety and I have a different routine for depression. If I go to sleep feeling anxious about something, I wake up and all those emotions come flooding back in like nothing ever happened.
So what I’ll do is go outside for some sun therapy on my back porch, because they say sunlight helps reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression. I also like to clean my whole house with citrus-scented things. I spray my cabinets with this lemon spray, then wipe them down with the lemon Lysol wipes. I light lemon candles or orange candles, I drink lemon tea, I take a bath with orange peels. It’s like a breath of fresh air. If I’m feeling depressed, I will surround myself with things that I love the most. I love the color pink so I take a bath with a pink sparkly bath bomb.