As per the UN Global Study on Homicide, Gender-related killing of women and girls 2018, the total number of deaths of women and girls worldwide resulting from all forms of intentional homicide amounted to 87,000 in 2017, more than half (58 per cent) of all female victims of intentional homicide, or 137 every day, were actually killed by a member of their own family. The number of women killed purely by their intimate partners (not including those killed by family members) was 30,000, meaning that more than one third (34 per cent) of all women and girls intentionally killed worldwide, or 82 every day, are killed by someone whom they would normally trust and expect to care for them.
Viewed from the prism of these statistics, the murder of 27-year-old Shraddha Walker at the hands of her partner Aftab is not surprising. Unfortunately, we have given in to our baser instincts and voyeuristic pleasures by focusing our outrage on the facts that Aftab allegedly chopped up Shraddha’s body and disposed of her remains in different places. It is also being alleged that he made use of a refrigerator in order to store the body and went about his daily life which included bringing over guests to his house while Shraddha’s body was still stored in the refrigerator.
These macabre and salacious facts have brought into focus the heart-wrenching plight of women who face violence at the hands of those they trust the most. But what is astounding is that these seemingly conscious minded, empowered and progressive women choose to stick to abusive relationships. We try to find out why?
Why Do Women Stick To Abusive Relationships?
Common factors that lead to women staying in toxic relationships include a lack of awareness or understanding about abuse, unrealistic expectations about the relationship, financial dependency on the abuser, fear of being alone, low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. These are all common issues that can be difficult to overcome for someone who has been trapped in an abusive or toxic relationship for a long period of time.
Also Read: 5 Ways to Fight Sexual Harassment at Workplace
In addition to these common factors, some individuals may also stay in an unhealthy relationship due to false beliefs such as the idea that the abuser is actually loving them or that the abuser will change if they just try hard enough. These kinds of beliefs can keep a woman from seeking help or from leaving an abusive or toxic relationship.
Abuse, whether physical, verbal or emotional, is unfortunately all too common, and it often leaves women feeling trapped, alone, and helpless. So, why do women stay in these abusive relationships? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Every situation is different, but here are some common factors that can contribute to a woman’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship.
Fear and Isolation
One of the main reasons why women stay in abusive relationships is because they’re afraid to leave. They may be afraid of what their partner will do to them if they try to leave, or they may be worried about being able to support themselves financially if they leave. Others may stay because they believe that their partner will change or that the abuse is their own fault. An abuser often tries to isolate their victim by cutting off their communication with friends and family. This isolation can make it difficult for a woman to reach out for help, which can make leaving seem like an impossible task,” says Dr Chandni Tugnait, M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder and Director, Gateway of Healing.
Falling into past traps
“They fall in the trap of familial cycles which they have seen and observed while growing up. They learn the maladaptive patterns on a subconscious level and eventually, as adults, they do not know a better way of functioning and fall in the same trap,” says Kanika Khosla, psychologist.
Low Self-Esteem
An abuser often uses verbal put-downs and other forms of emotional abuse to make their victim feel worthless and incapable of finding someone better. This type of manipulation can make it hard for a woman to see herself as worthy of respect and love, which can prevent her from seeking out the help she needs to leave the relationship.
Wrong interpretations
Unsure of how family might react or respond especially in a love affair/ love marriage. “There are sudden and erratic spells of romantic gestures and care which makes the victim feel that there’s hope and that this relationship may be genuinely good,” adds Khosla.
Lack of Support
Many abuse victims feel like they have nowhere to turn for help. “They may not have anyone to talk to about the abuse or may not have anyone who believes them when they try to speak up about what’s happening. This lack of support can make victims feel even more trapped and alone,” believes Tugnait.
If you are in an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone — help is available. No matter what you’re going through, there is always someone who will believe you and who wants to help. “The consequences of leaving an abusive or toxic relationship can be devastating for both parties involved. For the victim, it can mean experiencing additional violence and trauma; for the abuser it often means lost opportunities for asserting power and control over their victim. Often, both parties experience significant emotional damage as a result of leaving such a relationship,” adds Tugnait.
One key strategy for breaking away from an abusive or toxic relationship is to seek professional help. This type of support can provide insight into what’s going on inside the victim’s mind and help them understand their options objectively. It can also provide helpful strategies for breaking free from such situations gracefully – something that may not have been possible without outside assistance. You deserve to be respected and loved. Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help.
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