A 37-year-old woman with “months to live” is planning her own funeral after an “itch” turned out to be breast cancer. Mum Tiffany Ryan went to the doctors in April last year with what she thought was an “itchy” muscular knot just below her collarbone. However, a biopsy and mammogram revealed she had stage two breast cancer and would have to undergo a mastectomy.
Despite the surgery, as well as chemotherapy and radiotherapy, she was told that the cancer had spread to her lungs and pelvis, and was untreatable.
Tiffany, from Clapham in West Sussex, doesn’t want to leave her doting husband Matt, 39, having to prepare the details of her funeral when she passes.
She’s now selected a funeral director, as well as her own coffin – wrapped in a daffodil-themed vinyl rather than having a “boring brown coffin.”
Tiffany, who works as a permanent carer for her autistic eight-year-old son, said: “I’ve decided on a female funeral director, who I feel really comfortable with.
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“I want my funeral to be a positive event. I’m not particularly religious, but my children love to go to our local church – so I don’t want the event to be there.
“Instead I’m going to have a ‘green funeral’ in an outdoors woodland area. My children shouldn’t have to see me be cremated at the church they love.
“I want them to feel comfortable there and safe when I’m gone – not to have it constantly remind them of my death.”
Doctors say that Tiffany may have just months to live, leaving her preparing “memory capsules” with video messages and letters to her young children – who are just three and eight.
She was even told by doctors in January that she may not live to see her daughter’s fourth birthday – which is next week, meaning she has beaten the odds.
In spite of her condition, Tiffany says that she feels “totally normal” and is not in pain at all.
“I think the strangest part is that I do not feel sick, but I know that I only have so much time,” she said.
“I’m not in pain, I’m still doing the normal school run and going to hospital while my children are in school.
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“Doctors have told me that it’s inoperable now. The one thing they could do was give me a tablet to slow it down – but that’s it.
“I think at first I just went into a state of denial. I asked for a second opinion, drug trials – anything that would prolong it. There was a lot of anger, sadness, depression and anxiety.
“I didn’t know whether to tell people, I just sat at home and let it sink in for a while.”
Tiffany and her husband Matt, who works as an IT engineer, have started trying to build memories together – booking time away from home as a family while her children do not know about her condition.
Supported by charities Depha UK and Disability Expo, the family intends to go away to stay in a log cabin at the end of March, followed by a glamping holiday later this year.
They also set up a crowdfunder to help them make memories as a family. This can be found at gofundme.com/f/9v3u4h-help-me-make-some-memories.
Breast cancer is the most common cancer in the UK, accounting for around 55,000 cases each year.
Common symptoms include:
- A new lump or area of thickened tissue in either breast that was not there before
- A change in the size or shape of one or both breasts
- A discharge of fluid from either of your nipples
- A lump or swelling in either of your armpits
- A change in the look or feel of your skin, such as puckering or dimpling, a rash or redness
- A rash (like eczema), crusting, scaly or itchy skin or redness on or around your nipple
- A change in the appearance of your nipple, such as becoming sunken into your breast.
If you experience any of these symptoms, speak to your GP.